The Pause

In August of 2016, I fell of a cliff.  Well not a literal cliff, though some days its felt like it.  I am referring to the Perimenopause Cliff.  I had previously heard rumors about this phenomenon.  I always thought it would be this gradual thing that I could gently embrace with my usual barefoot peace love joy attitude.  Simply a wonderful change of life.  I figured there would be hot flashes and a little weight gain, and probably just mostly in my mid section, fluctuations in my cycle until it ended, and then just peace on earth. NO ONE told me it could start with falling of a cliff,  ambushed with anxiety and panic attacks while on vacation!!  I didn't even know anxiety and panic attacks could be part of the picture.  It came out of nowhere and for no apparent reason, I was on vacation for goodness sake!! It doesn't get more peaceful than that, how did it find me there??!!

When I returned home I made a prompt trip to my doctor.  Based on how I was feeling, there had to be something terribly wrong with me.  Headaches, panic attacks, and fatigue, just to name a few.  My doctor couldn't find anything.  I asked her if it could be menopause related but since my cycle hadn't had much fluctuation, she said  I was probably too young to be perimenopausal (I am 49 by the way) and that it was probably just stress related.  In fact two different doctors gave me that same "pat on the head" report.  I thought I was going crazy OR that I had to be dying from some rare disease that no one had heard of which was why they couldn't find anything wrong with me!!  In my despair, I started researching perimenopause on my own and learned that there are actually 66 physical symptoms associated with perimenopause and 25 psychological and emotional symptoms AND that the standard test for evaluating your hormones at the time SUCKED!  After going to a third doctor, I finally Ifound someone who listened, understood and explained.  You have to pay attention to the symptoms, not the test results, because the test only measure one point in time and hormones can fluctuate many times in a day.  This is a phase of life that is not based on your age, and can begin in your 30s and definitely by 49!! Well, in paying attention to the symptoms, I had experienced MANY of the symptoms and let me tell ya, it was NOT HAPPINESS.  Ok, I  had to figure out what  was next. At the time, many of the choices of dealing with these fluctuating hormones involve using drugs with side effects I preferred not to entertain.  Premarin, which is made from pregnant horse urine, was one of the most popular prescribed . That was not an option for me.  Even   ‘natural’ hormone replacement therapy required  me to have an annual breast exam to check for breast cancer as a result. That didn’t feel very natural to me, so I decided to pass.  I went down  a rabbit hole of essential oils that  could possibly help with the many symptoms and I came up with a few carrots! I had to keep in mind that this was not a disease, so I didn’t want to treat it like one.  It was a natural process my body was going though to unwind all of the miraculousness  it took to prepare. my body for creation, and that’s a big  fucking deal! It  is a time to be honored and it should be treated with grace and “pause” ~it’s in the name, after all [smile].   I will share with your things that I did, and still do as a woman in postmenopause.

We all have to chose the path  that feels right to use, enjoy the journey and know you are not alone.